


where is my mind?

by MercutioLives



Series: Becommissar Week 2k16 [3]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Drabble, Established Relationship, F/F, Flashbacks, Psychic Bond, Soul Bond, Trans Female Character, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 18:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6668935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercutioLives/pseuds/MercutioLives
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kommissar and Beca have a strong soulmate bond, sharing thoughts and feelings through a constant mental link. A sudden emergency shakes them to the core of their shared self. (Becommissar Week, Day 3: Mental Links Between Soulmates)</p>
            </blockquote>





	where is my mind?

**Author's Note:**

> This one’s shorter than the others, more of a drabble than anything, but at least I got it posted before midnight, haha. I also played around with some stylistic choices in this one, and it was actually really fun to write.
> 
> Crossposted to my personal [Tumblr](http://jacklaurens.tumblr.com/post/143452543870/where-is-my-mind).

If there was one thing about Beca that got on Luisa's nerves, it was her snoring. A light whistling sound followed by what could only be described as the revving of a chainsaw, far too deep to be coming out of such a tiny body. She wouldn't have believed it could, if she didn't sleep next to it every single night. Rolling over in bed, she sent out a light tendril of thought to her sleeping partner, like a tickling feather, in the hopes that she'd wake up. She didn't, instead just turning her back with a sleepy frown. Luisa prodded again, this time a bit more firmly, and got a muzzy, vague response.

**_Liebling, you're snoring again. Fix your pillow._ **

**_Am not._ **

Warmth flooded their bond, from Luisa to Beca, feeling like the psychic version of an indulgent chuckle and a caress at the same time. The feeling was reciprocated immediately: a reflex, an instinct; they had grown so used to these mental touches that it was second nature to them now.

**_You are. But it's okay, I still love you._ **

In reply, Luisa received a playful mental nudge, followed by a sleepy physical one that wasn't quite as effective in getting her point across. They teased one another like this for a little while, play-fighting through their bond, until Beca once more dropped off into sleep. Of course, she promptly resumed her snoring as well; Luisa just shook her head and curled tightly around the woman who - thanks to this mental bond of theirs - she would love for the rest of her life. Even when they weren't actively using it to communicate, it was always there, comforting and safe. The easiest (if not necessarily most accurate) way to describe it was like having colors swirling around in her head. Beca was a deep strawberry-red mingled with strains of bright gold and warm, earthy brown. According to Beca, when they were first discovering the depth of the bond, Luisa herself was cobalt blue and black, but, to use Beca's own words, "her laughter was silver".

They didn't talk about the bond often anymore, because they no longer needed to: it simply existed, as much a part of them as their arms or legs, and as vital to their existence as breath. In the beginning, its constant presence had been awkward, more like someone trying to read over her shoulder than a steadfast, loving companion. They fought often, bickering over tiny things at inopportune moments; Luisa had thought there was no possible way this tiny, twerpy little mouse could be her soulmate. She'd made her distaste clear, but no matter how often they tried to part ways, the bond always drew them back together. Closing her eyes, she allowed the warm familiarity of red and gold and brown to lull her down into sleep, below the hearing of her beloved's loud snoring.

The next morning brought about the restarting of their routine, with Luisa rising with the sun to go running while Beca slept. This had been one of the things with which Beca had taken issue at first: she'd been unable to ignore the stirring wakefulness of Luisa's mind so early in the morning, and it disturbed her own sleep. Likewise, Beca being asleep while she worked out had tired Luisa out more than usual. As with every other aspect of it, learning to accept and separate their respective minds had taken work. Joining together had, in hindsight, been the easy part. Once they learned to enjoy the oneness their bond brought them, once they truly fell in honest-to-God  _ love _ , it was more difficult not to remain together all the time. They still had their own lives to live, with Luisa spending part of the year in Germany, and being in one another's sphere all the time was simply not feasible. Nevertheless, they made it work, and Beca now slept blissfully on while Luisa ran for an hour.

Everything was business as usual. Luisa ran with the serene pulse of her partner's sleeping presence in the back of her mind, like the ebb and flow of the sea, matching the pace of her own sneakers pounding the pavement. It was almost poetic, how all of these things matched up, as though their bond was its own heartbeat setting the pace of their individual rhythms. Even the music playing through Luisa's earbuds seemed to keep time with them. It was meditative, and she loved it. On the last leg of her run, she felt the slight unfurl of Beca's mind as she began to wake up, a delicate touch brushing her mind. She reached out in reply,  twining the two ends of their bond together.

Then, it was wrenched apart as her body folded around the front of a speeding car. The last thing she felt, so strong that it was almost physically audible, was the wordless scream of  _ redgoldbrown _ **_painfearpain_ ** , surging and exploding like firecrackers.

There hadn't been emptiness in Luisa's mind in so many years. Even when she slept, her dreams were always tinged with Beca's presence, her colors, the  _ sense  _ of her. Now, it was empty and cold. Lonely. She hadn't known such agony before in her life. She felt like she was caught underwater, mere inches below the surface, and yet unable to bring her head up for air. Her thoughts were jumbled and incoherent, but there was one ceaseless refrain, like the beating of a heart, amid all the chaos:  **_BecaBecaBecaBeca._ ** How long had it been? It could have been a few minutes, it could have been forever; there was no way of knowing, and she was so  _ lonely _ . Even the physical pain that radiated throughout her entire body couldn't cut through the hollowness carved into the wall of her soul. Snatches of memory filter through the dark, patchwork images half-remembered and fleeting.

_ (Luisa is five years old, her parents call her Dieter - she and her best friend laugh because their names rhyme, Dieter and Pieter. Pieter and Dieter. She feels something else inside her brain, something warm and red, comforting.) _

_ (She's sixteen, and the warm red feeling expands and deepens. There's brown now, too, like the soil in her mother's garden. It's stronger when she sings.) _

_ (She's twenty-four and the small American girl is watching her with a strange expression on her face. Something in them touches - outside of their bodies but also  _ in _ side - and it starts to make sense. So many things are different - she hasn't been Dieter for three years, now - but this is the same.) _

_ (Every morning, there's Beca. She smiles, she laughs, she sings. They do these things together, always. Even when they're apart, when Luisa is in Berlin or Beca has to cross the country for work, they're still together. They will always be together.) _

It seemed like an age before she felt it: a touch of warmth, worming its way through the thick crust of darkness. Faint streams of familiar color, reaching out to her and wrapping around her mind. Coming home. She couldn't form words, not physically or mentally, but she didn't need to. She never needed to. Gradually, with the return of Beca's presence came awareness of time. It was another day - Beca told her it had been two already - before she was able to extend herself and seek out her soulmate. They entwined comfortably, mirroring the way their fingers were twined together. Beca's hand was small, but felt strong in her own.

**_You're never going to believe this._ **

**_What?_ **

**_I miss your snoring._ **

Warmth flooded Luisa's entire being, the essence of laughter to join the physical laughter that left Beca's lips. Threads of shimmering gold braided through it, pure love and relief.

**_I was so scared, Beca. I couldn't feel you. I've never felt that alone before._ **

**_I know. But I'm here, okay? I'm not going anywhere. We'll be okay._ **

**_Danke schön, meine Liebe._ **


End file.
